Divorce - the end of a misunderstanding
Compiled by Sohail Moughal
01 November 2006


Divorce is the end of a marirage with one's spouse. It is logical to believe that divorce may prove more merciful than forcing wives and husbands to live together despite their will. In early civilizations marriage and marriage dissolution were considered private matters. Man, since the dawn of history, has taken the initiative in his relation to woman. He proposes to the woman he wishes to have and she responds either negatively or positively. It is part of woman's nature to show herself off to the man she desires and waits for his response. Rarely does woman propose, this would be an exception in many societies. So it was believed that, as man has the right to ask for a woman's hand, he has also the right to dispense with her. This was the case until societies began to organize the practice of this right in the light of the dominant religions.

In Judaism, the husband has the unconditioned right of divorcing his wife and has to give her a "bill" of divorce. If she married another man and leaves him because of divorce or for other reason, she has no right to re-marry her first husband even if they wish to do so (Deuteronomy, 24).

This continued to be the common practice until Christianity came into existence. When Jesus was asked about divorce he prohibited it saying: "And I say unto you. Whosoever shall put away with his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery; and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery." (Mathew 19:9). It was in Rome, during the reign of Augustus, 27BC - AD14, that the marriage and divorce were first placed under comprehensive state regulations. With the increasing strength of Christianity over the state, the Catholic Church, the most powerful of the Christian sects, strictly forbade divorce. "What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder.'' (Matt. 19:6, Mark 10:9). Many christians believe in it even today. The only exception to this ban was adultry. The other exception was given if one of the parties had not been converted to Christianity before the marriage. During the 1500s the Protestant Reformation movement in Europe rejected religious control over marriage and helped move the matter of divorce from the church to the state. Divorces were granted by European courts upon a showing of fault, such as adultery, cruelty, or desertion.

Divorce is permitted in Islam as the last unwelcome resort, when all other doors are closed. There is a surah (chapter) named Talaq (Divorce) specifying the conditions.

"And consort with them (women) with beneficence, so in case you hate them, then it is possible you may hate something, and Allah sets in it much charity." (Quran, 4:19).
When a Muslim feels unable to retain his wife for some reason or other, he should not hasten to divorce her; rather he should resort to patience. Although Quran does make divorce openly permissible, it hedges in its sanction of the practice with many safeguards.

"O Prophet! When ye do divorce women, divorce them at their prescribed periods, and count (accurately) their prescribed periods: and fear God your Lord: and turn them not out of their houses, nor shall they (themselves) leave, except in case they are guilty of some open lewdness, those are limits set by God: and any who transgresses the limits of God, does verily wrong his (own) soul: Thou knowest not if perchance God will bring about thereafter some new situation" (Quran 65.1).

Islam gave both men and women the right to divorce (some factions of Islam would contradict though).

Islam also brought in the concept of reversible and irreversible divorce. If he loses patience and all the efforts to bring them together fail, the Muslim then may divorce his wife a reversible divorce. In four months time, if his anger abates and he feels the desire to rejoin his wife and she overcomes her hatred and wishes for resuming their life, then they may resume their married life. However, if they remain unchanged, man may divorce her the second time. "And when you divorce women and they reach their prescribed time then either retain them in good fellowship or set them free with liberality" (Quran, 2:231). Again the Qur'an stresses kindness towards women even if you divorce them. "So when they have reached their prescribed limit, then retain them with kindness or separate them with kindness" (65:2).

According to a Barna Research Group survey in 1999, 25% of all American adults have been divorced. In many developed societies, many people feel that the current high rates of marital breakdown, separation and divorce are the most serious social problem and serious efforts are required. Mike Huckabee, governor of Arkansas, had declared a "marital emergency" in his state, where the divorce rate rose to 6.1 per 1000 marriages per year. Frank Keating, governor of Oklahoma had similarly initiated a campaign to reduce his state's divorce rate below 6.0. But why are the divorce rates different from ancient times. Some of the reasons given below can be considered:

1. With the exception of some religions (Islam or members of Mormon splinter groups in British Columbia, Canada) a man is not permitted to have multiple wives.
2. Women have reached near equality with men in status.
3. Young people reach puberty about half a decade earlier (closer to age 10 that to 15)
4. Most youth marry much later, in their mid 20's. That generates about a 15 year period between puberty and marriage when most religious conservatives expect young people to remain celibate.
5. The average age at which youth become sexually active is 16; their first sexual experience is generally not with their eventual spouse.
6. Live expectancy is in excess of 80 years - about a half century longer than in biblical times.
7. If divorce is avoided, an average marriage will last over 50 years -- more than three times longer than in older times.

Grtting married is easier than getting a divirce. A ship captain can marry couples, but cannot grant them a divorce.