Confused,
mixed, merged…
Compiled by Sohail Moughal
24 February 2007
I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion. But sometimes I ask myself, am I really confused or just well mixed. Being well mixed is not bad. Being well confused, I don’t know, can someone tell me. Knowing is confusing, and seeing is believing. The more you want to know, you get confused even more. Seeing does not strengthen the belief all the times. But if confusion is the first step to knowledge then I think I must be a genius by now, but to tell you the truth, many things are still not clear. More knowledge can lead to more confusion and more confusion can lead to search for more knowledge. Am I stuck in that Sisyphean predicament? I do perform many other repetitions on daily basis. I shave, that’s optional, and I eat, that’s mandatory. If I don’t shave, I will not die; if I don’t eat, that will be a suicide. Both of these monotonous activities are absurd - to be or not to be is absurd. So the only answer is to find the meaning of absurdity – the logical contradictions. It sure shall make the life worth living. It sure has so far. Am I stating something that is manifestly inconsistent with my own beliefs? Am I being more and more absurd or being a little dignified?
No matter how charming a bluff I put up, and no matter how much I try, there is one thing that surely works - if you can not convince them, confuse them. It’s simple, because being simple and confused is still easier than being complex and sure. Also, to decide, not to decide, is a decision in itself, maybe arising from confusion, but still works sometimes. So far I have tried to stick to a few things in my life, keeping it simple, not as confused, you know. These few things are only five in number – faith, love, culture, instinct and logic. A friend said these five if put together shall compound to more confusion. So it seems that I have to add another item now to the list of my simple stickies. The confusion – chaotic, absurd and as well as a merger.
So when people say that I am confused, mixed, merged. I think to myself, Am I not confident of the way I am. The only thing I know is that I know nothing. I think therefore I am, I am.