A few days ago, I called a dear friend and distinctively noticed her voice lacking the soft and supple glow I had known her for. Amidst the static from the long distance call, she told me that her mother passed away last week. The call ended a few moments later with promises to speak again.

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't use the words that are customary, on the tip of most people's tongues, ready to be said in such situations. I had never met with her mother but I knew how much she loved her. I stayed silent for the rest of the day and tried to mourn the death of a mother in my own way. I kept thinking of all the mothers I knew, mothers of three, mothers of two, mothers of one. Single mothers. Mother is not just a person or a lifeform or an organism, a mother is a concept. There can be the function of biological motherhood, which with today's technology is split into the genetic mother (who provides the ovum) and the gestational mother (who carries the pregnancy), and in theory neither might be the social mother (the one who brings up the child). In non sexual organisms, "mother" can sometimes be used to mean "parent"; in the case of single-celled organisms that reproduce by fission, the mother is a cell that divides to produce "daughters". Mother is the source of creation, inspiration for the origin of life, activity or a situation. Some people called the earth as mother too. I thought of expecting mothers. I thought of my own mother. I thought of life. And I thought of the death.

No one knows exactly how, life, that we cherish so much came into existence. Melvin Calvin a nobel laureate in 1961 while studying the chemical evolution of life discovered that a meteorite that had fallen in Kentucky, carried something similar to a DNA molecule. Later some vital characteristics of life like hydrocarbons and paraffins were found in celestial objects, enforcing the theory that life on earth came in a simple form from another planet 13.7 billion years ago. On the other hand, many scientists have hypothesized that during an early geological period, some 3.5 billion years ago, complex organic substances composed of available inorganic compounds and water were formed. Utilizing ultraviolet rays and electrical discharges as energy sources, these substances formed a diffuse solution of “nutrient broth.” They were somehow drawn together to develop the capacity for self-renewal and self-reproduction. Most religious concepts believe in the concept of special creation, in which life was infused into an inanimate substance by God or another superhuman entity. Its not hard to see that all beliefs and theories support the idea that life originated from non-life. They also support the idea that in unicellular organisms or complex multicellular organisms, life has similar characteristics, namely, organization, metabolism, growth, irritability, adaptation, and reproduction. Someone said, life is just a spiritual pickle that keeps our bodies from decaying. Bottom line, we don't know much about this most precious belonging, we cant live without it, and cant come to terms with its absence or departure for ones self or for others, all being the most bitter truths of living organisms, mankind included.

Death is not the opposite of life, it is the termination of life. The meaning of death is a philosophical concept as Science is still finding it hard to define when to declare the death of a person. History suggests that any definition is far from being permanent. Many who have studied the science behind death and dying, have resorted to adding a spiritual dimension to it. For all practical purposes death occurs at that point where there is an irreversible loss of one's essential human characteristics. Such loss indicates the death of the organism as a whole, the death of a person, loss of an entity. The horrible, sad, truth, worst than a simple lie. One wants to hear a lie rather than the truth itself.

Death is certain, just because it is inevitable. But when is it acceptable to die, can never be determined. When should we be ready to die. Some one said, the best is to die young, as late as possible. Death itself, just like its timing, is uncertain too, because the diagnosis sometimes are fallible. Just as organs may survive after the death of the organism, the organism, supported by mechanical or other means, can survive the death of organs, including the brain. During the mid eighteenth century, scientists got so uncertain about the declaration of human death that safety coffins were introduced. Current ability to resuscitate people who have "died" has produced some remarkable stories. Drowning in cold water (under 50°F/10°C) so effectively slows metabolism that some persons have been revived after a half hour under water. Signs of legal death include, no pupil reaction to light, no response of the eyes to caloric (warm or cold) stimulation, no jaw reflex (the jaw will react like the knee if hit with a reflex hammer), no gag reflex (touching the back of the throat induces vomiting), no response to pain, no breathing, a body temperature above 86°F (30°C), eliminates the possibility of resuscitation following cold-water drowning, no other cause for the above, such as a head injury, no drugs present in the body that could cause apparent death. If all of the above prevail for 12 hours we can safely say that a person has passed away. If all of the above prevail for six hours and a flat-line electroencephalogram (ECG, brain wave study) exists, we can declare a person dead. And if no blood circulating to the brain is observed, as demonstrated by angiography, the death has occurred.

While we are alive, we think we are learning how to live but it may even be learning how to die. We are unknowingly, quietly, desperately, preparing ourselves, getting ready to go. We know, all of us, that there is one thing that we must be given. So should we not be ready to take it. Where else would we go to avoid its arrival. Afterall, that might be our second birthday to eternity. Beethoven's last words, "Applaud Gentlemen, the comedy is finished". The serious comedy - Death is a process, rather than an event. The process begins with cells and ends with cells. In the middle of the process a point of no return arrives. It occurs to every life form. Death is our last taboo. It is what we have to accept but never do. Even if we do, or is there a choice, others don't.

There are people in this world who have lived after having died and have been able to explain the feelings while they were presumably dead. Some of them cursed themselves for having to die again. They say that nothing makes a human more productive than the last minute. The last minute is described as the fastest for human mental action. The power of imagination increases to an unimaginable degree. The feeling of pain, bitterness and terror diminishes, replaced by a very distinct confusion.

Humans have always thought and written about life and death, the philosophy behind them, the logic, the cultural aspects and religious interpretations. They have talked of life before life and the life before death and the life after death. For those who value life, presume that because life is good, more life would be better, and thus loss of life, the death, would be harmful for the person who dies. Are we condemning the status quo and saying that death should not occur. Are we saying that the human condition has a tragic side, a bad side called death, asking for immortality. Won't it be suicidal. Logically, it is irrational to object to death, as we never objected to the state of non existence that preceded our lives, and the two, preexistence and post existence, are alike in all aspects. Birth is a mirror image of death. One brings life and the other ends it. Extending life would mean extending it in both directions, add life to before birth and add life to before death. But I never hear anyone saying I wanted to be born earlier. Why do we prefer the extension only in one direction. Maybe the design at the moment permits it in only one direction, but what if it permitted in both. Maybe we are not educated to make plans for our past.

A famous indian poet, once said, what difference could ever be, between me and you, beyond the tiny gulf of my own existence. Dostoevsky, once wrote about the ironic fear of the fear of death. Churchill said that he was ready to meet the maker, if the maker was ready for the ordeal. I say, we should not mourn the dying, but should thank the maker for giving us the opportunity to live with them. Probably, the maker wanted to meet with them, more than we do.

Accepting death of a person who we have simply known, never known or dearly loved can cause different feelings in us. Death is seen and handled in different ways by different cultures and beliefs. Many have been fascinated by the idea. Death has been personified since the earliest days of storytelling as the Grim Reaper, a skeleton carrying a scythe, a midnight black gown with a hood, sometimes wearing a white robe. In Islam, death is brought by the the Death angel, Ezrael, who performs the task of separating the spirit from the body when ordered by God. The Death mostly follows sadness. There is always a ritual to show the sadness. Some cultures even celebrate death, embrace death and show happiness and perform relevant rituals. Some cultures perform rituals to forget the sadness, or regain the happiness as soon as possible. Many beliefs put in place restrictions and practices after death. Rules for mourning and abstinence are defined. The duration for mourning is established. Ways to deal with the absence of a person in the first year of death are created. Time proves to be the best medicine, but the feelings for the missing person return with great intensity on significant milestones like birthdays, festivals, eves, mother's day, father's day, and the anniversaries. Sometimes specific incidences bring the memories of the missing person back. End of a year, marks a change in the feelings, as a method to deal with the specific incidences and milestones has developed and finally the emotions are not as profound. We visit the grave, on the days of happiness, bring flowers on the days of anniversary, we talk to the dead, things that no one else would have listened. Also, the things that we don't want to tell anyone else. And then we learn to deal with the bitter reality.

Sometimes, I think how could have you designed it differently.


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